There’s little better on a sunny day than bagging a place on a sun lounger in the garden and tuning in to Huey (the achingly cool Noo Yoiker from the Fun Lovin Criminals) on BBC 6 Music. Never plays a duff tune, and as for that chocolatey “hot dwogs and cwaffee” drawl….
Today he played a song that made me smile, called “I’m Ambivalent About You Baby” by the wonderfully named Freudian Funk Band.
It got me to thinking about love songs, reimagined. About what would happen if some of our great songwriters had written their genuine feelings instead of overwrought emotional schmaltz. There’s so much mileage in imagining ballads re-purposed with a twist of brutal honesty.
“It’s quite probable that some things are likely to change my love for you” (Glenn Madeiros – co-written by Gerry Goffin fact fans)
“On balance I have probably loved several men the way I love you” (Aretha Franklin)
“The most underwhelming love of all” (George Benson. Or Whitney. depending on your age)
“My seccond, my penultimate, my partial” (Barry White)
“My heart will probably go a bit off the boil in the fullness of time” (Celine Dion)
“I may or may not always love you but taking all things into consideration it’s unlikely” (Whitney again. Or Dolly Parton of course)
“When I fall in love, I’ll soon see all their faults and it’s unlikely to be forever” (Nat King Cole)
“You are the bane of my life” (Stevie Wonder)
“You make me feel older than my time” (Frank Sinatra)
“I’m mildly distracted by the boy” (Dinah Washington)
Ok, so some of them are a bit of a mouthful, but I had literally MINUTES of fun. And this one could run and run…
What love songs would be immeasurably improved by a little bit of honesty / brutality?
Silver Disco Daps 
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